i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
