She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
