Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
the raccoons are back...
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