Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
