I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
