Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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