Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
