I think I died a long time ago.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
