My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
