Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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