Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
