I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
