i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
