You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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