im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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