Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I want her autograph on my taint
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
