Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
