i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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