Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
