Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
