Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
