I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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