we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
