I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
she smelled like a LAN party
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
