I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
