i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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