She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
