I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
