He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
