I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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