fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
