you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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