you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
