For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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