How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
