Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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