Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
