My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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