dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
