Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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