Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
