Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
my poor anus
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
When are your genitals available?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
