Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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