We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
