Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
