so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
