My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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