she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
