That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
