walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
